Beyond Quick Fixes with Stanford Professor Dr. Celeste Birkhofer | POP 1410

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When life gets difficult, are you reaching for a quick fix or building the inner resources to depend on? Why is self-improvement more about learning to accept yourself while continuing to grow than trying to constantly “fix” yourself? How can you truly build a fulfilling life?

In this podcast episode, Joe Sanok discusses the new book Beyond Quick Fixes with Stanford Professor Dr. Celeste Birkhofer. 

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Meet Dr. Celeste Birkhofer

Dr. Celeste Birkhofer, PhD, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist with more than 40 years of experience helping individuals and couples navigate mental health, relationships, personal growth, and life transitions. She is also Adjunct Clinical Faculty in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine, where she teaches and supervises psychiatry residents.

Dr. Birkhofer is the author of Beyond Quick Fixes: Essential Ingredients for Better Mental Health & a Fulfilling Life, which explores the foundational inner resources that support lasting mental health, resilience, and fulfilling relationships.

Visit Dr. Celeste’s website and connect on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

Why Beyond Quick Fixes was written

Dr. Celeste’s Birkhofer’s new book Beyond Quick Fixes was born partially out of her personal experience. 

I reflected on when I first started struggling with my own mental health difficulties, when I started college … From outward appearances, my life looked really good, yet I was struggling with depression and the beginning of an eating disorder … It didn’t make sense to me. (Dr. Celeste Birkhofer) 

She sought out counselling offered by her grad school, and it helped her recenter her life by actually doing deeper work into who she was, what she struggled with at home, and how to support her mental well-being through living authentically. 

I thought to myself, “Gosh, if only I had a book … to try to summarize some of the most important things to understand about yourself, the way your mind works, and the way that we encounter problems and mental health difficulties, and how we can help ourselves.” So, that inspired me to write the book. (Dr. Celeste Birkhofer) 

However, it took an enormous personal tragedy that finally spurred Celeste on to starting, writing, and finishing the book: the untimely death of her son. 

It was a wake-up call … Every human being who is still alive and has a chance to put some time and energy into investing in themselves, improving their mental health, and developing inner resources that they can rely on to help them cope with difficulties [to] create a fulfilling life. I wanted [people] to have easy access to something [like this book] to get them started. (Dr. Celeste Birkhofer) 

Common quick fixes around us and their problems

There is so much information out there, and a lot of it is well-meaning, but Dr. Birkhofer explains that it can still come from people who are just trying to sell you something. 

Always consider working with a professional or an expert, get to know yourself, and adjust plans or strategies to what serves you. 

Keep an eye out for: 

• Expensive courses that promise you life-changing results 
• Drinking alcohol too often or regularly as a way to relax or feel good 
• Bingeing on food to self-soothe when you feel dysregulated 
• Compulsive online or in-person shopping

I have sympathy for our temptation to use quick fixes because when we’re hurting, we want to feel better as soon as possible; that’s an understandable instinct, but it’s problematic if we just rely on these compulsive [behaviors] … If we just only turns to these things to get us out of a jam in the moment, and we don’t spend any time developing ourselves into the best version of ourselves that we can be, we’re not going to have as good of a life. (Dr. Celeste Birkhofer)

Develop these five essential inner resources

To slow your dependence on instant gratification and quick fixes, you can develop these five inner resources that help you get to know yourself on a deeper level and take care of your nervous system and overall well-being: 

1 – A healthy sense of self: good self-esteem, agency, self-compassion, and a moral compass

That includes a lot of things, but it includes a healthy self-esteem where you love and appreciate yourself for your strengths and good qualities, and you work on building those, but you’re also humble enough to admit you have shortcomings so that you aren’t narcissistic and you aren’t at the other extreme of hatred and self-loathing. (Dr. Celeste Birkhofer)

2 – Emotional intelligence: We need to learn how to interact with our emotions so that they enrich our lives and become sources of self-knowledge 

3 – Mental capacity: This allows us insight and self-awareness, and to observe our behaviors with compassionate mindfulness. 

4 – Relational capacity: We need the skills to relate well with others: our family, loved ones, and the community around us. Good relationships are critical to feeling fulfilled in life. 

Three aspects of good relational capacity include: 

• Investing in personal growth, which naturally develops your ability to be a better partner or fellow loved one to your community 
• Mutually-recognize people in your life you want to relate to and be empathetic when your needs don’t sync up perfectly
• Good communication skills

5 – Healthy coping skills: How did you learn to protect yourself and feel better during your childhood? Which of these strategies are still healthy and useful, or cause you harm in your adulthood?

You can do a little assessment around [your coping behaviors] and then you can learn how to actually build healthier coping mechanisms, which include being able to accept life’s realities, have good attitudes, to learn how to take constructive action … How can you build resilience by facing what life is handing you with a lot of self-compassion and a lot of wise action? (Dr. Celeste Birkhofer)

It’s not about “fixing yourself”

When Dr. Birkfoher discusses self-improvement and self-development, it is not about “fixing” yourself as if something were wrong or broken in you. 

The goal is overall development: growth that is rooted in self-compassion and good self-esteem, and because you want to live an authentic life, not change out of shame or self-hatred. 

Self-acceptance is highly correlated with feeling a contented, fulfilled life … One of the important things in having a healthy sense of self is having a balance between acceptance and change. (Dr. Celeste Birkhofer)

If you push yourself too much and constantly feel like you are something you have to improve, it can harm your mindset. We need to accept ourselves today for who we are, and balance it out in areas that could use improvement to enrich our lives further. 

Practice empathy first, including with yourself. 

Dr. Celeste Birkhofer’s advice to private practitioners

Keep taking good care of yourself. It’s more difficult to help others if our own cup is empty, so kind, loving, and encouraging to yourself. 

Books mentioned in this episode:

Dr. Celeste Birkhofer – Beyond Quick Fixes: Essential Ingredients for Better Mental Health and a Fulfilling Life

Dr. Steven C. Hayes – Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change

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Resources mentioned in this episode:

Visit Dr. Celeste’s website and connect on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

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Meet Joe Sanok

Joe Sanok helps counselors to create thriving practices that are the envy of other counselors. He has helped counselors to grow their businesses by 50-500% and is proud of all the private practice owners who are growing their income, influence, and impact on the world. Click here to explore consulting with Joe.

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