Recently my partner and I have been talking more about money. It’s the beginning of the year, we’re thinking what could be next for us (goals, vacation, lifestyle). But I’ve realized that I don’t always have the tools to know if I’m thinking based on my own trauma, history, and assumptions or if it’s based on the actual reality and risk.
Because we’re unmarried, but also are committed, I thought I would engage a bit of AI help. Here are some great ways to get started and the prompts I used:
What Assumptions Do You Have?
“I want you to act like a Michigan attorney who specializes in couple’s agreements for second marriages or relationships, what assumptions will you make?”
Why did I start here? Before I ever dive into having AI help with advice, I want to make sure it is on the same page as what I’m looking for. Is it starting at the point that I want?
Recognize Your Gaps
“But, I do think I have a gap in knowledge regarding financial risk going into a second relationship. Can you walk me through questions about my finances, thoughts on equity, and the relationship to help me sort through the money/risk part of coming together? Please ask one question at a time and give numbers to pick from so I don’t have to type as much.”
In thinking about my own lack of knowledge, I wanted it to walk me through questions to help dig into what I’m actually looking for. See, often with AI, we don’t have the right assumptions from the AI or know ourselves what we want. Here’s an example question it gave:
What conditions would make you feel comfortable sharing access or ownership?
Options:
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Partner contributing equally or proportionally to shared assets.
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Ensuring clear legal agreements are in place.
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Sharing only assets acquired after marriage, while protecting premarital assets.
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Setting specific limits on how shared assets are used or accessed.
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A combination of these (let me know which).
What Have You Learned About Me, That I Probably Don’t See?
“Great. Based on this interview, what do you now know about me that maybe I don’t yet see?”
Next, I wanted it not to just summarize, but to think about what I might not even be ready to see yet. This was a great reflection to understand if what it thinks I think is actually what I think. For example, it summarized:
“You Value Balance Over All Else
You want a financial plan that allows you to maintain independence and protect what you’ve built, but you’re equally committed to creating fairness and fostering mutual trust with a partner. This shows that you’re not just thinking about the “how” of managing money but also the relational dynamics behind it. You’re striving for equity, not dominance, which is a mature and balanced approach.”
This feels true. But then when it came to kids, it said:
“Protecting Your Kids is Non-Negotiable
Even as you consider sharing finances or blending assets, your kids remain a top priority. This isn’t just about financial security for them—it reflects how deeply you value the role you play in their lives and your commitment to their future stability.”
This felt like a sort of aggressive “it’s my kids and me against you” sort of summary. But then I had to stop and reflect on why AI picked up on that? If AI does, do I have that posture unknowingly? Where else does that “my kids and me against the world” attitude show up and do I want that?
Make Me a Plan
“If you were to create a six month plan for us to dig in more to this discussion, walk us through month-by-month what to do, with conversations lasting no more than an hour per week.”
I know this is important in finances and relationship, but also we’re busy people, so I’m not going to spend a whole weekend or hours and hours every week discussing this. So I limited it to a one hour conversation. Here is what it came up with:
Month 1: Financial Foundations
Goal: Build understanding of each other’s financial habits, values, and priorities.
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Week 1: Discuss your individual financial histories (e.g., spending habits, saving philosophies, and financial lessons from your past).
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Week 2: Share your financial goals, short-term and long-term, and compare where your priorities align or differ.
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Week 3: Discuss how each of you defines financial security and success. What feels “safe” or “risky” to you?
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Week 4: Explore emotional triggers around money (e.g., fear of debt, shame around spending, pride in independence).
Outcome: Gain clarity on each other’s financial mindset and emotional relationship with money.
Month 2: Current Financial Snapshots
Goal: Create a full picture of your individual financial situations.
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Week 1: Review your income, expenses, assets, and debts. Be transparent about your financial realities (e.g., investments, liabilities).
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Week 2: Discuss your kids’ financial needs (e.g., college savings, living expenses) and how they might evolve.
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Week 3: Share partner’s goals or commitments (e.g., career plans, personal savings goals).
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Week 4: Explore your individual “bare minimums” for financial independence (e.g., how much do you each need to feel secure, no matter what?).
Outcome: Develop a clear, honest view of where each of you stands financially.
Month 3: Shared Financial Goals
Goal: Align on shared financial priorities and define your future together.
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Week 1: Identify long-term goals you could work toward together (e.g., travel, homeownership, retirement).
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Week 2: Break those goals into short-term, actionable steps (e.g., saving for a shared vacation or emergency fund).
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Week 3: Discuss how much financial flexibility you want for individual goals versus joint ones.
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Week 4: Talk about your ideal lifestyle as a couple—what sacrifices or adjustments are you each willing to make?
Outcome: Establish shared goals and a sense of what financial “success” as a couple looks like.
Month 4: Planning for the Unexpected
Goal: Build a framework to manage financial risks and surprises.
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Week 1: Discuss how you’d handle emergencies (e.g., job loss, major repairs, health crises).
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Week 2: Explore your comfort levels with debt—what kind of debt feels acceptable, and how should it be managed?
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Week 3: Talk about inheritance and estate planning (e.g., how assets will be distributed to your kids or partner).
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Week 4: Review the idea of creating a financial safety net or contingency plan (e.g., emergency funds, insurance, trusts).
Outcome: Create a framework for navigating financial risks and uncertainties together.
Month 5: Agreements and Systems
Goal: Design a structure for managing money as a couple.
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Week 1: Discuss how you’d like to split financial responsibilities (e.g., proportional contributions vs. shared pools).
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Week 2: Define rules or guidelines for shared savings and spending (e.g., “big purchases require both of us to agree”).
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Week 3: Explore how you’ll track progress toward your shared and individual goals (e.g., monthly reviews, apps).
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Week 4: Discuss how often you’ll revisit and adjust your financial plan.
Outcome: Draft a shared financial agreement or structure that works for both of you.
Month 6: Formalizing and Moving Forward
Goal: Solidify your financial plans and set the stage for ongoing conversations.
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Week 1: Review all your discussions from the past five months. What feels clear? What needs more work?
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Week 2: Discuss whether you want to formalize any agreements legally (e.g., a prenuptial agreement or joint accounts).
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Week 3: Set up systems for regular financial check-ins (e.g., scheduling monthly reviews).
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Week 4: Celebrate your progress and reflect on what you’ve learned about each other through this process.
Outcome: Finalize your financial plans, systems, and commitments while maintaining space for future growth.
As you start to use AI in your business and personal life make sure you’re on the same page by asking the assumptions, recognize your own gaps, have it reflect back what you may not see, and then create an actionable plan. Good luck!
