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How does a life-changing event change you as a person? Where can you find a sense of self amidst turmoil and a sense of unknown? What is the unexpected good part to an explosive bad part?
In the first episode of the How I Got Through It series, Joe Sanok speaks about how he got through uncoupling and becoming an unexpected single dad with LaToya Smith.
In this Podcast:
- Looking at the reality of the situation
- Finding a sense of self
- The good part of the bad part
- Finding ways to embrace the change
- Joe’s advice to his past self
Looking at the reality of the situation
I think that’s part of the part that’s confusing for me, because I look at these pictures and I reflect, “Was there tension that I missed? Was there stuff that I missed?” (Joe Sanok)
When a relationship is folding, the instinct is to try to make it better.
However, you cannot sustainably work harder and harder at a relationship that does not intuitively support both people equally.
There were lots of times in our marriage where it seemed like, “Are you in or are you out?” and I was kind of sick of it. If you’re going to stay, then stay. If you’re going to go, then go. (Joe Sanok)
There can be times where a marriage, lifestyle, or job is mismatched and can then be remedied, but in general, if you are not happy where you are already, then the next big thing is not going to change that.
Finding a sense of self
Amidst the tension of the unknown, Joe began to start each morning with a short routine to help him feel grounded.
He would either go for a morning walk, do a short meditation, or even hold a plank for a minute, to commit to a small practice with himself.
During times of extreme emotional distress, tension, or the unknown, having a short and peaceful routine with yourself can go a long way in helping you to feel whole.
The good part of the bad part
Sometimes when something goes terribly wrong, that shock to the system can be beneficial by helping you to accept that it is over, and move on.
By it being explosive and having so many other stories behind the scenes … it made it so much easier for me to move on, and say, “This isn’t my person anymore, maybe at some point … but this isn’t my person. We’re just too different now, and there’s no way I would choose this person now based on the behavior I saw last year.” (Joe Sanok)
Finding ways to embrace the change
Make small changes. Say yes to things you normally wouldn’t do, and no to lots of things that no longer serve you.
You can make a huge impact in the course of your life while you traverse a difficult juncture by staying close to who you are and what is important to you.
Finding ways to embrace this new lifestyle and say, “How do I, in a creative way, open up to the world that as a married man was a lot harder to do?” (Joe Sanok)
Practice becoming flexible.
After difficult times, be reminded that you can enjoy predictability and routine, but on a deeper level, know that you need to know how to be flexible to bend under pressure because it also helps you to return to normal afterward.
Joe’s advice to his past self
Savor it. Savor the beautiful family moments in the years when you have them, even if you knew they were going to end.
Let the unknown unfold. You may reach low lows, but they show you what you are capable of, and how capable you are of bringing yourself back.
Useful Links mentioned in this episode:
- Use promo code ‘JOE’ to get three free months to try out TherapyNotes, no strings attached.
- Click here to apply to work with LaToya and other consultants!
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Meet Joe Sanok
Joe Sanok helps counselors to create thriving practices that are the envy of other counselors. He has helped counselors to grow their businesses by 50-500% and is proud of all the private practice owners that are growing their income, influence, and impact on the world. Click here to explore consulting with Joe.
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