Podcast 105 | Committment and Marriage an interview with Avrum Nadigel

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Why should you speak? Why should you network? What are the best ways to communicate to an audience that may refer to you or start counseling? In this podcast I tackle all of this!

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PoP Culture Meet Avrum Nadigel

Here’s what Avrum says about himself:

I’ve been a therapist for over 15 years in Montreal, Vancouver and Toronto.   My approach combines Family Systems, Psychodynamic and Mindfulness perspectives.

My background includes a Masters of Social Work from McGill University, a Bachelor of Commerce (Marketing) from Concordia University, and post-graduate training in Bowen Theory from The Western Pensylvania Family Center.

I am the author of Learning to Commit: The best time to work on your marriage is when you’re single” (Self Counsel Press. Fall, 2015).

I co-produce the “It’s the anxiety, stupid!” podcast with family and marriage therapist therapist Lorna Hecht, blog about commitment at the Huffington Post, and draw the webcomic Ball & Change, co-produced with Gabe Meranda.

My avocations, in no particular order: shoegaze inspired songwriting, cartooning, & designing productivity worksheets.

I live in Toronto with my wife, who is a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and our two sons.

For information about my adolescent and family therapy practice, please visit www.nadigel.com/

Here’s a link to his Facebook

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Joe Sanok

consultant headshot JoeJoe Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC is one of the world’s leading private practice consultants. He is the owner of the Traverse City counseling practice, Mental Wellness Counseling. Joe helps counselors to start private practices and grow them.



Podcast Transcription

Podcast 105 | Committment And Marriage An Interview With Avrum Nadigel

[0:00] Music.

[0:27] I am so glad you’re here today and thank you thank you thank you for hanging out with me,
and let me in two years and into your brain i’m so excited about today’s guest,
av room medical he is just phenomenal he’s gonna give you so much value he’s written a book in his new podcast and just has so many amazing things that,
he’s doing and just great kind of additions to your private practice so we’re going dive into that interview with a av room in just a minute here,
but first i tell you about our sponsor today,
brighter vision as their sponsor and they rock it out they are just doing amazing things with websites their the best all-in-one website solution for therapists with greater vision there’s three amazing benefits you get a website that looks like you,
spend more than five grand and it is really it’s like it’s just an amazing website,
you get unlimited tech support which those of you who don’t love doing as ceo work,
i am moving away from loving it i use to love it because it’s really exciting to see things are to rank but now i just like talking to you i like doing consulting,
you know julie hanks offices do what you do best and outsource the rest this is such a great way to just outsource what you’re doing right now and then professional search engine optimization suit give,
found in google so tech support of things break,
defining google amazing beautiful website that you free updates is just incredible so heading over to brighter vision.com/joe check amount you know a lot of you will send me emails asking for.

[1:59] What i think about your website and that’s fine but these are the experts you know if you gonna wheelie website you get one of those free vista print websites are cheap ones like.
It’s time to upgrade is not much more expensive and you can just look phenomenal.
so thank you so much for checking them out that’s how we help find this podcast and from my time putting into this good check them out tell hi from joe,
also you get a month for free so get fifty nine bucks on for free if you have an over there and use promo code go to get that brighter vision.com/jo if so let me tell you a little bit,
well i’m before diving to have room.
I want to buy something from working on this you may have heard about the most awesome conference so this is a conference that i put on with julie hanks brenda palmer and kelly head denser kelly maranda,
they have a business school boot camps me julie hanks is like on my gas all over the media she is on cnn she’s on the wall street journal she’s,
every where should the rock media school somehow i got lumped in with these amazing three women so the four of us per.
Thirty five service common hangout with us in this house in la jolla california and for three full days and so day one everyone is gonna be getting professional head shots professional video from ernesto from filmit.com.

[3:39] It’s just so cool so you’re getting all this professional them and had shots alone are usually like a grand or more,
you end of getting this amazing video to promote your practice and then during that time you get laser coaching with two or three of us where we sit down poolside talk about your practice to dive in and then on the second and third day,
we with everything that we hated about conferences and took it out and everything we wish was there that would love to a party and so we have a food truck pull and every day we have massage poolside be all sorts of fun giveaways of free stuff,
and then you know what would happen the typical conferences you go to the conference.
You learn all this stuff and you have all these notes and you get home and you just call me gosh where do i start but instead we have speaker,
and then we have action tight right after that speaker that speakers there so for example i was talking about say growing a private practice.
Can you like to have my points everything then right then,
we make action plan to get things done have you pull your computer update your blog working your website all those things that are working in private,
just right now and you get it done right there with us holding your hand all the way through and you get the support of community with in facebook,
i assure you just a couple of things people are saying about the most awesome conference,
diane winger said what if this is one of the best decisions for her private practice that she’s made.
Nichole solar peterson said thank you for this it is truly an awesome conference i’ve never been anything like it and leslie baker said i have a play and my mind is full.

[5:13] And its people that know exactly what they’re doing that are running it,
so you can head over to mostawesomeconference.com watch the video it’s so inspiring to see all these people that participated in a in may of two thousand fifteen we are now selling tickets for may of two thousand and sixteen so head on over there,
check it out i would love to you have a bunch of you practice the practice people there so we can hangout gets know each other and i can help you level up your practices.
So let me tell you about av room who having on the show today he’s been a therapist for over fifteen years in montreal vancouver and toronto.
He takes family system soccer game dynamic and mindfulness perspective he is the author learning to commit the best time to work on your marriage is when your single.
And he co produces the things it stupid podcast and that just went live about a month ago.
So without any further ado i can’t wait for you guys all have room welcome to their impacts the practice podcast thank you for having joke yeah how you doing today.

[6:15] It’s good it’s good it’s a little gloomy here on the first day of school for my email this then after you yet it’s gloomy over here to wi with the same weather system up and over in toronto.

[6:27] I went to see and tower number of years ago and stood on the glass floor in spite peed my pants.
And i stood on the edge of the glass floor and i wouldn’t take a step on its cruise haha wow,
well tell me a little bit about yourself so we we’ve been e mailing we talk just a few minutes before we started but just give a second quick overview of who’s ever am.
Sure well i’m a private practitioner here in trouble i been in private practice for a notes that say five six years.
And my i guess my focus for my practice right now is dating pri marriage the first couple of years of marriage that’s for who i can’t work with.
Before that the reverse of my practice was adolescence family and adolescents and that’s the thing.
Before that fifteen years of experience in different agencies everything from child protection turley psychosis teens and benedictions and all that kind of stuff.
But i had my first three was in marketing and so i felt that doing agency work was just to limited earnings two living into the creativity was to them in terms of salary was to living in terms of mechanical work.
And i was always chomping at the bit to get out of here so private practice work as stressful as it can be sometimes was we just in a natural fit.
That’s me with a business background and that’s for everything,
and i am involved in a few projects that the one i’m most excited about is just about to happen and about three weeks.

[7:57] My book is being published learning to commit the best time to work on your marriage is when your single is going to be published by cell cancel press it,
link three weeks that’s what i tell me get out your hands at this point it sounds like it’s been out of my hands go for a long long time line i definitely hear about that,
process we have a ton of listeners in canada and often times people ask my advice on growing a private practices.
For for being a canadian practice what she canadians known in particular about opening a private practice become a psychiatrist,
okay i know what i’m either in a minute that is fine i was psychiatrist she can you because everything’s covered here,
right for the government you have a shingle on your door in your basically full within i know the state is different everyone people everybody know i mean i think it look good,
you know joe here’s the thing about advice is very unique for,
yeah i’m very personal to the person giving it on my experience when i first open my practice was the falling.
I knew there’s a lot of competition tron alot of competition and so the only way i was gonna make this work with this for stay true to my principles and values and and will,
the things that move me emotionally and i got excited about and so um,
that was sort of the foundation i have to get very clear on what was an offer people and,
how that was different from what i was doing agency work when i was frustrated with the whole experience um.

[9:35] This was a matter of minutia how do i get to the keepers were gonna refer to me and so what i did it again this is me i deserve better for the people,
what in courage people to do a special young therapist when you’re agencies it doesn’t get better than that a lot of people what they do with the reader agency work to keep our cracks and then they start networking,
that’s crazy making,
when your agencies you are with all the gate keepers executive directors in a psychiatrist in the family doctors and all the people that could potentially refer to,
so what is my pitch the hospital i was working and i was in management and i pitch the hospital a podcast idea and they had a problem,
and the problem was that patients were going to facebook and and posting negative comments about psychiatrist the hospital this and they want to shut down their facebook page and cancel their twitter page and i said you know.
Is that you’re gonna cream or backlash from a different channel’s why don’t you give back to the community the amount of intellectual knowledge in this hospital incredible so i started interviewing,
the car positions for smoking cessation the top position schizophrenia to all our adolescent issues what happened was that,
and you know i don’t feel so bad about that i didn’t care can listen i need the truth is there’s a glut of podcast that their mental health,
so officially wirelessly i knew it was gonna try to practice i want great quality product i want to meet the keepers every person away.
Not a letter to family doctor saying hi i’m in private practice and you reported but what happened was i met these people.

[11:09] When we there was a relationship that was ford on the podcast and they would ask me hey what are you doing what are you doing trial and say i’m open a private practice work with the families and i would say out of the twelve park st this hospital,
it will i think five or six people sent me that’s fantastic i don’t know anyone specializing and those six people saw referring to me,
and then it just hits mobile that,
first i would say we’re an agency look for those opportunities on so often i get people that ask me hey can i join your practice and because we have a small town in northern michigan,
we have three graduate programs for their satellite campuses of university so we have thirty to fifty new social workers are counseling,
students graduating every single year and so just a counselor saturated area and often seat on.
Go out there and get paid to network so find that job that’s the community organizer the city and community boards don’t just get a counseling job where you sit in an office all day get paid to go out and network,
and then come back and see me in a couple of years after you’ve done that tell me what you’ve done and that really for me as owner of a private practice looking for people that are gonna be go getters the ones that take that advice and then come back,
it’s almost like what you just did your interview welcome to practice because they’ve gone now and they follow the advice of showing that they have that,
that hurts but to move on and it’s just pretty amazing to see what people do that how quickly they can then launch the practice.

[12:30] Yeah exactly the podcast idea i think that’s a great idea of a great way to meet local gatekeepers.
Well you know the other thing i tell people is that the reason for the podcast i’m as as we spoke about either musician my whole life so i’m a tech here i think you are similar that way right i mean i like gadgets like technically you shiny things,
and even if you go to my website ready to commit a call i have to close the book.
I could care less about walking i could care less i mean i wrote a book go with one of the radio to work for the rest of my life that’s the thing i write.
The adf on a tablet and making a webcomic around monogamy that was exciting because i got liquor tuning exactly he’s the technology,
so when i tell their business to get excited your on your own we’re about to go on your own if you’re a dancer if you see me if you write poetry all this stuff,
it can be used as her grass for the mill to the to be different first of all yeah the last thing i would say and and again this is it depends on how comfortable you feel,
you know speaking for me was in a cash cow i mean i would get up and speak to report parents are always get referral for also if you can speak.

[13:43] Speak that i don’t know what else to say and the italian people therapists often seen will you know what color flyer should i use which my twitter have,
i tell the same thing if you can speak.
Get out there and speak and rolling in private but the schools with wealthy families speaking liverpool cuz you never know who’s listening who know someone who’s.
It’s amazing what happens when you speak,
he review your income what learn and so go to what’s called toast masters post toastmaster exact by sleeping with the graduate school you probably presentations anyway i hope you were.
It’s between those two things i really in auto you go to do any advertising i don’t have,
i have a professional facebook page and to me twitter i didn’t know social media,
my website really generating referrals level practice so if so it’s a question about the speaking because a lot of times people scamper in this event only one person came like how did you get,
people to come in and what he was successful with six people at sixty people like what for speaking events taking street through that process little bit,
yeah so i think the first thing is that depends on who your serving your target market,
i am funny joke you know i have no interest way back to the days of playing bands two people so trust me i’m,
i do not want to attract people to my van i wanted to tell you a funny story when i was area because i know we’re both in bands but i have stories like this so.

[15:15] We we got this gig in southern ohio and they were like oh yeah you get paid per person we usually have several hundred people so we’re thinking okay we’ll get gas and food covered in this is our way to texas.

[15:25] And literally four people shopping supposed to play there tonight and so the next day it’s saturday were like hustling trying to find another bar place that we can like play at and.
To find a biker bar we open up for this judas priest cover band and they the,
the past twenty five dollars but they give us like a hundred dollars and bratwurst until we eat these brats all the way to texas and that was just like the worst terrible situation but,
it was awesome i can’t even imagine the smell of and my guys we pay for ice to keep the brower school the,
well yeah you know interested in playing but yeah,
yes that’s what i call therapist is the star of your community so i i would see there’s two places i can speak my wife and i are,
are practicing the eye color is a one foot in one foot a practicing jew but practicing enough that i know people in synagogues and so,
i would speak to the rabbi speak to one of the educational directors of the family program,
and i would say look you know my expertise and adolescents the directions or really psychosis are what i can pretty much tackle anything you have an event coming up and they always,
in person to speak for free.
What what is happening is that if you’re half decent and unique and people can you help all those by two back and once you get your foot in the door for example the church or synagogue.
They start referring to other churches and synagogues so now i have a circuit but i do so it doesn’t make a difference what i’m doing whether it’s intimacy marriage dating commitment phobia teenagers.

[17:00] I have three or four five avenues where i can show up theirs already audience because,
that’s how cigars work anyways is the same thirty forty people checked everything.
The other thing was high schools i hate when i was working at the hospital i was working at i,
in baltimore high schools in the newly and so i would tell them i’m leaving to a private practice i would love to come back and speak on.
Any other hospital i can i can attack anything from my we are not confined by the and they would invite me back,
so again when you’re doing this on your agencies.
It’s easier to get into the doorbell your private practice just because the certain cachet if you’re a hospital and working for an agency i think it’s a little harder for prior practitioner call up.
Too cold call high school where everything is very litigious and people are scared of your and say i like to come and speak your parent body of this.
If you call from so and so general hospital analysts the psychiatry thing like to come in,
well the doors are gonna fly open right so i again i think it’s a matter of planting seeds ball you’re in non-profit agency work but some women love it,
what you did where you road head of the coat tails of these either synagogues are agencies are schools.
On the events they were putting on so so frequently ice private practice owners that say.
You know i’m putting in the vent at this coffee shop in the you all on their own they don’t partner with anybody and they wonder one or two people show up.

[18:32] And so finding event center rd occurring where there’s rd an audience and then you’re just helping them i think just build so much more community connections as well.
What you like what we experience when we were banned from the beginning we open for other bands that want an audience had in my bag for it the bands that i started,
trying to put on jeans or sells,
replay the sound guy in and the bartender and get it in seventy know he would you want to do when you want to pick me back on someone else’s success for whatever it is,
i’m in jan and again it really shouldn’t take that much work you just have to speak to someone holding one of these organizations again schools in our church and ask them do you have a regular parenting,
group that happens here or,
is their team group can i come speak to the youth workers whatever the case may be home and i have found that especially,
parents who painted the anxious are very receptive to whatever there is to say is i found it always to be like three for referrals you know,
for the talk now is different though go have to say and speak up a room for a couple i don’t find referrals from flying that but,
parents for your were in better worst they seem to be getting to resonate with,
which is public tax yet so what one of the question why canada and i want to hear more about learning to commit murder so how does it work in regards to have a private practice that’s private pay vs.

[20:05] Just except in the county government insurance even returns to use so like you said that,
so everyone can pretty much hang up or single and get started so how does that work in regards to private pay vs accepting the rates that the government.

[20:21] Yeah so what i meant was if you’re an indie so your family doctor you could do psychotherapy if your psychiatrist musical therapy and it’s completely covered why is it,
you know we have a whole bunch cycle animal is the trans xe while analytics city and there’s a whole bunch of psychiatrists you people to three four five times a week is covered by the government.
Which in the state will be in her right in out so um no for everybody else right which would probably make up joe i see the.

[20:50] Ninety percent of the therapists trial on your either charging your clients straight up,
which one it will never accepted the clients i don’t i don’t accept insurance all my clients to build their charger for car insurance and so i think alot of people do in toronto,
is the except the p a referral sure similar in the states and places in progress for me i work for ap.

[21:19] I had a challenging experience working with babies i wanted nothing to do with them,
i also want people i thought i was worth i had fifteen years of practice experience for my private practice so it was a choice i made actually join if you hurting when rusty.
I’ve heard the name i couldn’t tell you much about her.
She would’ve called twelve months to upright it a private practice with coaches other terrorist and it was her suggestion,
for therapists were struggling working with insurance in the states um kickstand and its creatures standing might work might not,
but i never thinking about that and i took a stand and i have to tell you that joe drip time for a quick funny story please do a really have time for a quick funny story,
okay so i had no clue and when i open my practice it was of my way salary i was starting it is what i tell people is make sure you have a question or a spouse or parent someone backing you up at the beginning.
Mercedes you wanna driven by,
and is it really anxious right now so here i am no class my first flight was in a place called hamilton an hour away from trying to,
i drove to their house to offer support their can i charge the travel my first client my first session it was my second we can practice,
i drive to the persons house i do the session i get back my car call my wife in so excited i get paid money that i never,
received every four per hour i’m back in my car i’m driving on the highway.

[22:47] I get pulled over for speeding haha i just gotta forcing we’re going for a nice dinner i just got the money pulled over for speeding is speeding ticket was double the rate,
when i charge for this one i got freedom airports,
which film won for dinner good for you while i was still in for dinner but that that’s what i get i hustle man i hydro i micro to this one client and getting.
Oh that one week for an hour and i charge for that time i would i would get my bike is driving the people thirty minutes away from my house i used for exercise in sick like i was doing anything i could to hustle,
but i promised myself i wasn’t gonna get caught,
in the forty to fifty dollar an hour he p thing with full of other therapists in the same thing i want to be different i want to have a hitch and or get caught doing forty to fifty kilometers per hour in a twenty kilometer per hour zone.

[23:41] Eleven or are you for you don’t wanna get caught speeding either the exact address because we forty fifty kilometers per hour we have been pulled over yet.
But no user and so that’s it you know it’s i don’t think i don’t jones you know i’m clearly you know you cut the head from mark and i don’t think therapist for are trying to prepare for the end of hustle is gary vaynerchuk straw hat,
but they’re not prepared for the hustle and so the settle into a certified agency slash private practice work it’s not quite a private practice cuz radio you know there them self a job but it’s like to get paid the same amount and,
i think i think that possibly people look at yourself being successful myself being successful and thing okay so joe’s taking friday’s off and now he’s working less hours.

[24:27] What like three years i was working a forty hour week job and doing ten to fifteen hours a week outside of their to my private practice on sundays i was recording the podcast,
all my girls were napping it was like i’m working on things on the weekend and now finally i can say okay that place isn’t sustainable for me but he got me to where i’m at.
And so the hustle of yeah do what it takes to launch that private practice work a little harder than ever nothing community and you’re gonna be going you know so much better.

[24:55] Right right and you know it never hurts to lock in your memory right,
get me the painful experiences you have a regency work remind yourself right away what will happen if this doesn’t exactly so tell me about learning to commit like when did you have the idea for the book tickets through that process that cuz,
i think a lot of people listening and have a girl someday writing a book or either being self published or published through publisher.
Where did you come from and take us to kind of the elements of the book sure yet i think it’s important to stay right off,
the gecko this is very important to be very clear about this i don’t like to write,
i have no ambitions of being an author you all the voice of their for people who wanna be up i have zero gas never writing a book on my pitch my publisher of the book but it’s funny i don’t it’s not what fuels me.

[25:49] But i feel compelled to write a book to the question why would you write a book if you don’t want to rate for me joey it really was sort of a per promise to,
i was severely commitment phobic in my twenties and thirties and when i hit thirty i want to be a dad i wanna kids,
and he thirty something i don’t know why this happens to you that the twenty third decade tonight thirty and something happened to me and it,
i got quite sad and scared but the reality that i don’t do steal your twenties you can you can mark around it right but he thirty and something about their own sperm count or something freaking out,
and and is chris rock says you you’re not you’ll just a little too old to be in the club right so i really started freaking out and i have to do something i was a practicing therapist this.

[26:43] It’s like a friday working with these couples yet i can’t you know i’m promiscuous and commitment for me i really felt like something change and so i made a commitment to myself to start,
re educate myself about commitment and intimacy and look and then my parents divorced and that also messed everything up for me because anything they taught me.

[27:03] Seems to be useless away every you know how his advice be careful your to everything circle park for me my graduate studies everything.
And what happens i started i started reading every book my hand on and i started going to different park selectors.
And slowly but surely i stumbled upon a few ideas that work for me,
because my back was in punk rock encounter you note culturally is it was the eighties in the therapy world that were again counter cultural that sort of attack loving,
intimacy communication of all things you can’t hear relationship talk these thinkers,
we’re turning on its head and saying if this stuff works so well why the divorce rate so high and i get that so i.
Is the deck now for me i really believe that marriage was failing social institution to get it working married and that was really weird for me and i made a promise to myself that i could get married one day.
I will read a book the book that i needed in my twenties and thirties all right that book that i couldn’t find and.
It took awhile to get married in it if it would have been you i would of a fraud to serve in the book you know when i was engaged broke up my engagement mind you and then got back together married so it was a turbulent time.

[28:25] My books were part partly personal autobiographical my struggle with commitment and marriage.
And also it uses just froze up some jargon here it uses family systems ideas in your family since new billion ideas davidson are just a corral,
move the ball when these people to help.
Young people and people going for second or fourth marriage.
Think about the relationships when your single parents siblings etc and whatever problems you got there.
You’re gonna find in your next relationship so you start doing the work now where’s most people way to the problems happen marriage,
my suggestion to be served but prolactin so that was that’s the that’s the basic idea behind the blog and i was going to self publish.

[29:17] And then my wife my wife said to me you know why is self publishing.
When you push me in out so i have a question about the book itself but i do wanna hear about that decision to not self publish.
So so the title learning to commit i think it seems to go against,
the typical like movie narrative like why don’t you to learn to commit when like i feel so in love in those butterflies and that’s that,
i’ll scene of the movie when of course are gonna commit like there’s no learning involved so tell me what that had a learning to commit because i think it,
in a lot of ways that is what counter cultural the affiliate learn to commit like it’s not just the butterflies in your stomach and make you commit.
Yeah it’s funny joke you know it is actually the very important just made i used to movies in the book,
to flush out two major it is the first german wire the you completely it up,
which is what you’re saying this idea that there’s an unconscious natural process of falling in love everybody does it just do it happens we been doing it for thousands of years,
can i write me just is building there was a.

[30:25] And then there is the next movie i use to flush the maturity of the idea that my book might give my book is,
selling your receiver is is good as it gets where jack nicholson line he uses can you make me wanna be a better man,
and that line you make me wanna be a better man.

[30:47] Can a for pain if you enter your member the movie it’s been a while but yet take us through kind of wood was the painting came out of.
Well that just was that he had not be and he was all wrapped up in his life and he will never change for anyone and then he met someone and she was important to him.

[31:03] But you seem to change shipping c if you love me you would do this he heating wanna lose something very special and so he use the potential loss of this love object to start working on himself,
and willing to commit as a process that that’s my argument that you learn to commit to your principles and your values and your current relationships don’t wait until you meet your significant other,
get married mortgage,
for kids and then we problems bills until you know there so much water under the bridge no you start to learn to commit to who you are scheduled to my website i think it’s the electric attack when but it something that predicament others and yourself,
of the first commitment to yourself not others and if you can do that.
Looking to commit to your own principles your life goals and this and you’re able to sustain it with your mother father brother sister friends colleagues.
You’re a hell of a better time picking a better partner for you and also seniors of the tough times so again bring to commit for me is not an actual thing in the process of something you grow into and.

[32:13] I think this is just my clinical opinion that family systems theory,
provides the best from what i’ve heard everything psychoanalytic to emotion focused therapy to attach it for me it is the clearest.
Theory for how to commit to one’s goals to ones relationships and not lose yourself in the intimacy and love and it’s just gonna get the keeps on giving to me so i really want to read a book.
That was jerking free for people with this process of learning to commit so.
For that theory what is it about the theory that you feel like this is it this is the this is the good stuff.
Well looking to be clear go kind of like we were talking about the news headband i look for things that work like your,
you know i’m get you what you think we allen i have to agree with whatever works right so it’s one else’s works for you and i am a fan of like what houses go for it,
what works the pr people it’s not penicillin reebok but haven’t you jump up and down and help your depression great,
like one of the newest theory jump up and down therapy sure and she,
i’m so what would happen for me was i was in graduate school and i was i was in a punk rock band and i was very for this pump will,
and i’m reading about two thousand eight hundred and was taking the graduate courses everything about you all these different st the pioneers ericsson and making all these guys nucci.

[33:46] Negative about one and always did every bone doctor on,
and boneless wings really like for crazy experiences family and and with schizophrenia and is pumped walk in like,
this the most part right here right ever heard my life he was upsetting everybody was upsetting using setting his psychiatry colleague setting the family therapist,
but he said one thing really resonated with me and he said that the with the,
the reason we find ourselves stuck in our current lives have a multi generational pattern to them that go back generations and if you don’t figure it out now you will pass that on to your,
what is it that you can see it regina grams you could see through research taking it son hocus,
looking to the stars for this you can see addiction going down generations you can see divorce going that you can see anxiety,
and the truth is joe i just look email family and i saw patterns of father and son,
temperature is conflict with my father his father and my grandfather he,
and can i have this order is cold sweat bro because i was a great camp counselor and great with kids,
i thought the book was right if i can’t figure this thing open for my father night if i ever of the sun.
There’s a good chance i’m gonna find myself in a similar place and that just freaked me out so i started working on my dad using boeing theory,
no there is language of this on my own i would recommend that everybody but it was sort of what i call a lot have taken my family sort of moving away from my mom a little close to my dad he took a few years.

[35:20] But my dad i had the last three years of our lives beautiful relationships like broke the father son.

[35:28] Multi generational problem using boa theory and then you know joe once you get some the i don’t know what you once i find something that works on such a fellow hundred talking bout cosmetics and the relief talking about and it wasn’t for years,
he can collect on to it and nothing happens to me and a bit of angeles which of course freaks my system celica don’t like that evangelical,
like evangelical about this and so i’m in a huge proponent you’re so i didn’t work so my father,
i just now in the book of copper line actually brought the idea is to intimacy and dating and it’s a little online story works better in the book,
but i use the same ideas for my commitment phobia is the same ideas for working with teenagers i don’t work with teenagers wanting more of a work them with their families and i find your sister symptoms.
Whatever it is was so it really is become a guiding force for my life right now but it all started graduate school applying to my family and see the results if it was just theory and just it is.
It won’t stop me while so it every counselor in the world were listening right now what would you want to know.

[36:42] What i want to know the you know.

[36:48] We have we have a special purpose i think in the world of business and in the world of working with people and or so.
Few opportunities for people to be authentic.
People don’t really go to church and sing on as much anymore we don’t have confession we don’t where we go to relieve your authentic selves more or less and i’m not saying this a good thing but it just the fact.
Is our paris office and we see people who come in and with their vulnerabilities and all and we owe it to them we owe it to them as therapists,
to take care of ourselves to get the best supervision money can buy the best supervision money can buy on and,
to provide people with experience to grow and we can all do that are taking the.
You’ve got yourselves first so if i find the will during wm therapists tell me i can’t afford supervision but i have a very busy private practice.

[37:47] I’m a fool to those type of people i will tell them there get supervision,
take care of yourself and all for you because you’re gonna have no use these people and probably cause more harm so that might be a message therapist get clear on your story will begin what was your journey what did you solve within yourself,
bring it back to the community right tell inspire us in that specific way how i’m doing i’m doing through dating intimacy commitment you have your story and take good care of yourself and take your practice will give back to you.

[38:21] In for a similar fashion and that’s,
that’ll be it that’s awesome the av room if people to get in touch with you if they wanna connect with the book if they wanna read more what’s the best way for them to connect with you.
The regular updates of a web comic but not me i draw a comic of the week become but not me that is on.

[38:47] And the pizza but my bookings for more minutia takes up half of my facebook page is facebook.com/learntocommit.
And if you sign up for my newsletter on my website.
You got a little more in-depth it’s about commitment and the process of book writing okay in i’m wondering if we can maybe set up a link with.
Would learning to commit com force is joe could we set that up maybe to have them sign up for your newsletter there.
Just make it a little easier for me to yellow i love it there,
that’s awesome and technology on you yet it is reoccur called really gonna be that i use worst case was very easy to do to get you so honey yet if you refuse to set a force is joe,
other extra comm stuff there will also have leaks and all the show notes in it that you just a few minutes,
everything is so much for taking time out your day talk to you book in a new series and all this teaching us about canada in private practice and all that.

[39:46] It was a pleasure go about.

[39:47] Music.

[40:19] I just love that idea that you work on your marriage when your single like how savings that now that i’m married again so i can stop working on my marriage.

[40:29] Hello alright i’m going think so head on over to practice of the practice stack for slash session one-o-five where you can just go into the.
Cancel section on the website for the show notes i’m gonna have my transcriptionists hector he’s gonna be.

[40:47] More of the transcriptions directly into the showing out that’s a project that we’re working on right now with all the past transcriptions of putting all into the show notes.
So those will be in there after um think you so much would agree interview that was and again brightervision.com/joe preservation makes amazing websites for fifty nine bucks a month.

[41:09] Just incredible websites tax of.

[41:11] I mean like when my website falls apart like it’s great to steal it cause my up and say hey what’s going on here i need some help holy crap so make sure you have an over there and you guys rock thanks for me in two years into your brain.

[41:27] Music.

[41:45] And sounds sexy and sweet play me like music and this podcast is designed right after thirty information in regards to what is.

[41:57] Music.

[43:10] Want to hear a secret is only in the month of december.
Can you let side of the most awesome conference and you can divided into three monthly payments so we’re only doing in december and will be advertising a little bit more,
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