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TRIGGER WARNING: THIS EPISODE FEATURES SEXUAL CONTENT
What is the difference between healthy BDSM and trauma reenactment? How can you incorporate the PLISSIT model into your therapeutic approach? How does religion impact a client’s sexual life, and how can you help them find their unique approach?
In this podcast episode, Joe Sanok speaks about ENM, BDSM, ED, poly, swinging, the PLISSIT model, and all the sex therapy terms you really need to know as a therapist with Dr. Teesha Morgan.
Podcast Sponsor: Alma
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Learn more about building a thriving private practice with Alma at helloalma.com/joe
Meet Dr. Teesha Morgan
Dr. Teesha Morgan is a Psychotherapist, published author, adjunct professor, TEDx speaker, and co-founder and director of the Westland Academy of Clinical Sex Therapy and Westland Therapy Group. Dr. Morgan specializes in Sex Therapy and couples counseling and has had a successful full-time private practice for over 15 years.
Visit Dr. Morgans’s website, The Westland Academy, and The Westland Therapy Group.
In this Podcast
- BDSM terminology and trauma reenactment
- Sex therapy terms
- The PLISSIT model
- Inclusive intake paperwork
- Resources for therapists to learn from
- Pornography and religion
- Dr. Morgan’s advice to private practitioners
BDSM terminology and trauma reenactment
BDSM could stand for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, or sadism and masochism. Any variety of these types of words and circumstances could relate to engaging in BDSM.
Various kinks are usually employed within the BDSM space, depending on each partner’s preferences and desires. There’s a huge interest in learning about BDSM versus trauma reenactment. There is healthy BDSM, like:
- There are boundaries communicated which are then respected
- Safe words or gestures are used to communicate
- There’s often a form of aftercare
- Having presence and consent
However, with trauma reenactment, it can be the unhealthy side of BDSM, which is:
- A lack of presence and dissociation
- Consent through cohesion
- Lack of communication
- Lack of power or choice
- A risk of genuine injury
Sex therapy terms
- ED: erectile dysfunction
- PE: premature ejaculation
- DE: delayed ejaculation
- Polyamory: multiple partners and an umbrella term for swinging and ethical non-monogamy
- GPPD: genital pelvic pain and penetration disorder which includes things like vaginismus
Often a lot of [working with these clients] comes back to respectful, honest, transparent, effective communication in a vast majority of things, and I think that’s a core foundation of therapy, obviously within a non-judgmental and empathetic environment … Especially when we’re talking about sexuality-based concerns because there’s so much shame that lives there, and it’s a very vulnerable place to be in and to share. (Dr. Morgan)
The PLISSIT model
PLISSIT model stands for:
- Permission: giving the couple the space to speak and decide for themselves about what to do that feels right in their lives
- Limited Information: these are tools that you can share with clients in an educational format so that they do not suffer from a lack of accessible information.
- Specific suggestions: some more training could be needed here for therapists when working with clients.
If somebody has premature ejaculation for instance, are you able to walk them through [the] squeeze technique? How do kegel exercises come into play for this? How are they working those muscles in conjunction with a fleshlight to “fix” premature ejaculation? (Dr. Morgan)
- Intensive Therapy: this is where trauma is discussed, and the therapist has the right training needed
Inclusive paperwork intake
One of Dr. Morgan’s tips about how to update your intake paperwork so that it is more inclusive and welcoming to clients who may need to write out private or vulnerable information is to structure the question in a way as if the client is already doing it.
So, instead of saying, “Do you have sex with men?” [Rather say], “When was the last time you had sex with a man?” Always the assumption that you’re expecting a specific answer and then they can say, “Oh, I’m actually heterosexual.” (Dr. Morgan)
Additionally, on all paperwork that asks about marital or relationship status, leave a space for the client to explain or state their relationship or sexual situations instead of limiting them to a handful of boxes.
The intake form in general showing that you’re open to [whether] they are poly or gay or straight or gender non-binary … I think with the PLISSIT model, you are immediately giving them that permission to be authentic in how they present themselves. (Dr. Morgan)
Resources for therapists to learn from
If you want to learn more about:
- Women with low sexual desires or libido, or couples that have a difference in sex drive, consider the book Come As You Are.
- Polyamory and non-monogamy, then try the books More than Two, Opening Up, and The Ethical Slut
- Clients with ADHD and an active sex life, read the book ADHD After Dark
- Incorporating Sensate focus in sex therapy, the guidebook
- To learn more about and become an educated kink-informed therapist, try Becoming a Kink Aware Therapist and The Color of Kink
- Helping to increase a client’s sexual confidence (in specifically blowjobs), try Dr. Morgan’s book Heads Up
- To improve consent and communication and connecting sexually, try The Wheel of Consent
Pornography and religion
Pornography addictions are currently not in the DSM5, so a lot of therapists are either taking a black-or-white stance on it.
However, many sex therapists are on the side of treating a pornography addiction as a real thing because they see how it impacts their sex lives with their partner, erectile dysfunction, pre-ejaculation, and other frustrations that are increased by its presence.
In this aspect, pornography and religion are often closely related because there is a lot of shame present.
The shame-based approach to sexuality, masturbation, the body, intimacy, sex, all of those things is massive, and I have couples and individuals that come in that really struggle to communicate or to have shame-free sex, even though they were raised in a religious household and now that they’re married, but they still have that underlying sense of dirtiness or wrongness or shame in their sexuality [aspect] … and are struggling to let that go. (Dr. Morgan)
Dr. Morgan’s advice to private practitioners
Be curious! Be curious about all aspects, no matter who the client is. Lead with curiosity before you think that you can take a stance. Slow down, be curious, and ask questions to help them (and you) find the right path.
Sponsors Mentioned in this episode:
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Books mentioned in this episode:
Dr. Teesha Morgan & Constance Lynn Hummel – Heads Up: Increase Your Sexual Confidence, Expand Your Sexual Repertoire, and Get the Real Low Down on Oral Sex
Dr. Emily Nagoski – Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
Tristan Taormino – Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
Ari Tuckman – ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship
Linda Weiner & Constance Avery-Clark – Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy
Caroline Shahbaz & Peter Chirinos – Becoming a Kink Aware Therapist
Ariane Cruz – The Color of Kink: Black Women, BDSM, and Pornography
Betty Martin & Robyn Dalzen – The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent
Useful links mentioned in this episode:
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Meet Joe Sanok
Joe Sanok helps counselors to create thriving practices that are the envy of other counselors. He has helped counselors to grow their businesses by 50-500% and is proud of all the private practice owners who are growing their income, influence, and impact on the world. Click here to explore consulting with Joe.
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